an old page

I found a page that I wrote in my book a couple of weeks ago, I may not feel the same way now, but here is what it said.

I feel like I´m making a big mistake by not going to Pezenas to see Flipo. I am frozen, I can´t think, I can´t decide. Today I had a rush go through my body telling me to run to barcelona to meet David but I was hoping that when I would go get a ticket,, they would tell me that the trains are sold out, that way the decision to stay in france for another day to see Flipo would be already made for me... but there was a place on the train, so I went. it was too easy, which made it feel like I´m doing the wrong thing (later this probably proved to be the wrong thing to do)
When I met Flipo I recognized him and felt a strange connection, something david would laugh about with his closed head. I felt like I was expecting to meet him and he expecting my visit. Energy filled me up and I was full of positive, creative thoughts. I began to immagine that this man was going to change my life, but I wasn´t sure how¿
I was eager to return to his studio, but when I had the chance I didn´t, instead I followed my heart jto barcelona. I have been sad and lonely all weekend thinking of David, replaying in my mind all the moments, what seemed like pure clean love. I listened to billy corgan going on the morning after a day of hiking in the mountains and tears filled my eye. I saw beauty in everythihng my soul was overwhelmed with emotions and my sensetivity was hard to live with.
friday morning, the day of departure from the island, we had a rude awakening when Concordia people arrived to take all camp supplies including our matresses and to close the camp. all the desperate feelings and thoughts of the last few days finally evaporated as it was clear by now that it was over and too late for anything new to happen.